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Wednesday, July 15, 2015

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Why I Stopped Traveling to Do Soul-Searching.

Introspection.  Reflection: Pic Source 

"We go on in life always busy looking out and yet failing to look in.  When we spend time with ourselves with our thoughts and energy, we dig deep, we recognize where our heart truly goes."

I couldn't count the times that I've attempted to find my purpose through travels and every
time I've come home to one, I would bring home the usual:  a few souvenirs, a number of really cool stories, and hundreds of pictures.  And also as usual, I come home with no clear conviction of the purpose.  The whole trip although it was fun, didn't really give me the answer which I was seeking for in the first place.  Why?

Why it Failed.

During my first solo trip in HK, I filled my itinerary with places to go, things to buy, activities to do, thinking that being in a different place would highlight my own difference, seeing myself freshly and genuinely in the light of other people.  I believed that me being genuine, comfortable in my own skin, and being different would help me understand myself more.  I would see clearly the unique in me as seen by others, believing also that by knowing myself more and being happy with it, my purpose would somehow arise.  All those were true though, except that "my purpose" didn't pop up as I hoped it would.  No light bulbs happened.

And by being in different place made stillness and introspection for long hours of time seem impractical.  I mean, there I was in Baguio or HK, places I have never been to.  Every time I steady myself and start to meditate, there's a nagging thought that yells at me saying that "there's just so much to explore in this place, what the hell are you doing?"  or the "you spent all money and time for that? might as well do that in your own room."  And dawning on the fact, I get anxious and go back to my places-to-go list.

So there, I learned it that way, but I must say that each experience is different.  My soul searching just happened to flop when traveling because really come to think of it the answer really lies within us.  We go on in life always busy looking out and yet failing to look in.  When we spend time with ourselves with our thoughts and energy, we dig deep, we recognize where our heart truly goes.

Take Away 

I learned that our aspirations and dreams are shadows of the needs and wants that we want in life.  There are shallow needs, the ones that we really don't need but we have come to want for the ego.  And there are deeper needs of love, belonging, fulfillment which we get by pursuing that of which our spirit truly desires.  It's up for us to recognize where our dreams fall under, and to make sure that we always go for the ones that fall under the latter

Publisher: Shy - Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Thursday, July 9, 2015

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Being Grateful as a Key to Staying Positive

ftb.  Thank you.

 "Our will, which makes us higher than other animals, takes energy to apply.  It is a conscious act that needs effort to stop what comes natural so we can direct our actions and reactions to that which is more civilized, accepted and aspired." 

Just recently, whenever I find myself feeding on self-defeating thoughts, and basking in negativity, I would ask myself the question: "what should I be grateful for?" and from there, I would immediately feel a release, relaxed from feeling the tension and constriction caused by my dwelling on the bad emotions.   That single question is a negative sucker and an instant-feel good pill.

Asking the Right Questions

Although I've read about this concept and I know that it to be true, I couldn't apply it easily because when I'm in a trying situation, the reaction happens in an instant, sometimes I catch myself, and in bad times, I can't.  There's really a small demarcation between these opposite energies, but it is possible to shift my perspective by telling or asking myself the right things.

Being Grateful is a Skill

I've learned that I've had to find it in me the strength and wisdom to see the glimmer of light in darkness, the glass half full, and to do it consistently if I want myself to be happier.  And only through that lens do I get to appreciate what I have than what I don't have; and realize that I'm actually doing great right now and everything is really OK.  And because that, I am reminded that I am enough and that there is enough and should be thankful to the One who has given me all these.

I also learned to understand that it takes skill to stop everything that goes by default in us.  Biologically, we are hardwired to eat, when hungry; snap when agitated, have sex when we have an urge to do so.  Our will, which makes us higher than other animals, takes energy to apply.  It is a conscious act that needs effort to stop what comes natural so we can direct our actions and reactions to that which is more civilized, accepted and aspired. 

Why do we Need to be Grateful?

Like the example above, being grateful immediately shifts you from the negative to positive, from not having to having.  Being in that mindset, it's easier to start seeing things that we normally take for granted; the easily forgotten things that are so because it's easily given or in abundance or that we don't concretely see them from where we stand.  With this lens we wouldn't see rain as the reason why we feel gloomy, instead as a blessing from above or we won't see a delay in flight as is but as a time for us to relax and rest more as we wait.  It takes a skilled eye to see these as so.  They say that there's 2 sides of the coin, one to cause you sorrow, one happiness, which one would you rather see?

And There's More

Being grateful also position ourselves for more abundance.  I noticed that when we get in touch with this frequency of energy, we attract more of it to come into our life.  The more we align ourselves to this, the faster we get to have what we wish for.  I'll take more about this in succeeding posts as I know that there are a number of tools that are available to get ourselves into the zone.

So let me leave you with the question, "What are you grateful for?". 

Publisher: Shy - Thursday, July 09, 2015

Sunday, July 5, 2015

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Shutting Up That Nagging Ugly Thought-Source


"The more you listen and follow it, the more you're giving it power to take over your kingdom."

I've been trying to get in touch with my inner self recently, after realizing that in order for me to master myself, I need to first master my inner world.  And much to my defeat, I see myself faltering, eating one marshmallow to another.  Why marshmallow?

The Marshmallow Test

Well I've learned that the single most effective way in determining ones success is through the marshmallow test.  It's a test wherein kids are given a marshmallow only to be told not to eat it.  Basically it is a test of self discipline and self control. No matter what preparation, and introspection you do, it will all become useless, worthless, if you're not able to implement and follow through your plans and learning.

And now I see myself having to face marshmallows in the form of mango rolled cake in the freezer when I'm trying to loose 5 kilograms, or the bed during a spanish session, or that red number in facebook that notifies me to check the message when I'm trying to finish an article.  We see it all in various forms. And like a muscle, the more we resist it the more we make our discipline muscle stronger.

I realized that no matter how I tried to resist there's this nagging voice that gives me a list of reasons why I should just submit.  It rationalizes with me, it justifies until the argument becomes strong and I weak, then the inevitable happens and I submit.

There's the inner voice and there's You

What I also learned in studying spirituality is that the thought that we have is not us.  And that who we really are is that silence, that knowing, that space.  I understand it is abstract that's why it is difficult to comprehend.  It let's you separate that inner voice and you.   The inner voice who isn't so friendly most of the time.  It's your narcissistic fan that blows up your ego a hundred fold and at the same time, too often than not, your vile critic who shrinks it with a stabbing comment, which you would mistakenly believe as truth.

How your Mind-om would Look like

If we are to put faces in these characters in our mind and see how our mind-om would look like.  The inner voice would be that ugly, gollum-like jest who is the noisiest of them all.  There's your right-hand handsome duke who is a man of few words but wisdom and good-will always comes out of him.  And there's you on the throne, a mum ethereal beauty of a queen who just sees and observes and listens to all these happening.  In your royal status, why would you listen to that ugly jest?  He is nothing but one big joke after all.  A scum who does nothing but plant weeds in your garden, throws trash in your hall.  The more you listen and follow it, the more you're giving it power to take over your kingdom.  Understand that it has no power over you, and with this it is your responsibility to uphold beauty and peace in your kingdom, which is the way it should be.

With this way of looking it, I hope I get to shut the joke of a jest and focus on enriching my kingdom.  And maybe by that, we won't be accepting nonsense from people, because you would not accept nonsense in you. We may start setting high standard for ourselves.  Why accept anything less? We're all a queen afterall.
Publisher: Shy - Sunday, July 05, 2015

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Learning the Value of Just Doing It

Now this idea may not be new I'd jut like to reiterate the value of it because this is where most people get stuck for the most part.

Not convinced? Well have you tried spending 15-30 minutes doodling out to-do's for the whole week, only to be forgotten and tucked away, so by the end of the week, if by a miracle remembered about your plans, you realized that you've missed out on seminars that you could have attended, events that you would have wanted to participate.  You missed out on life and you then tried to back track wondered where you were when all this happened.  Mostly you can't recall, if you had you would probably had been doing all the usual stuff that you've had been doing.  Your default lifestyle comprised by long hours of surfing online, cleaning the house, and reading a book.  When all these aren't really bad, since you are somehow productive in your own way.  It could be counterproductive when this comfort sucks you in mediocrity, when this monotony leaves you questioning at the end of the month "what did I do?".  You'll be left staring at a scribbled calendar in April, with a big question mark.  You shrugged, gave a big sigh and vowed to make next month different.  Although that's what you promised yourself the month before that.

What is stopping us then.

1. Laziness.  It's when our body becomes 10 times heavier, and our motivation cut in half. We don't have energy to prep up for a jog and go.  You try to rationalize the lack of fun and willingness to go, next thing you know, you lack time, and eventually the moment is over. Then guilt starts to creep in and you try to redeem yourself somehow by saying "next time".

2.  Pain. Because doing things you don't want to do right now is painful.  Going against the current takes effort, doing new things is awkward.

You have to fight these element so you could get what is good.  Anything good is worth fighting for so fight the urge and just get on to it.

Publisher: Shy - Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

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Learning from the Dog Whisperer.

 Source: dailymail
Youtube has a weird way of leading you  from Oprah to life hacks down to Japanese blowing flour out of his butt hole.  I've had some good straight clean days and I've had some crazy ones too.  But at this particular day,  I unconsciously found myself sticking to one theme: Dogs.  It all started with a video of an English Bulldog insisting on sitting in a cardboard box that is way too small for him then spiraled my way down to watching Dog whisperer.

I've watched dozens of episodes of Dog whisperer, viewing one 45 minute- long video after another.  It was all too fascinating to see how these howling, misbehaved and out-of-control canines would just succumb to his command, even on the first day.   How could one person who these dogs have seen for a few minutes would have such power over them and would behave 10 times better than to their own family whom they've known practically all their life.  Now there's probably some hocus pocus going on here, or some behind-the-scene acting that we don't know.  But as I've had watched a number of videos, it occurred to me that this man is the real deal.   He just have these tricks in his sleeves that he got from years of experience around dogs, and in his shows he gets to apply these as we see it.  The tricks and principles have been repeated show after show that my fascination had pale on me the more I watch it. The concepts had bored me for hearing it countless times, but I am well aware how powerful these are when applied.

Here are the principles that I want to share with you all.

1.  Energy.  I've heard Cesar Millan, the Dog whisperer himself, drop this word plenty of times.  If you want to influence a dog, you need to give off a calm and assertive energy. These are the qualities of a pack leader.  When the pack leader does something, everyone in the pack follows.  That's how great the influence and power they have.  This also holds true for humans.  We follow a leader who is calm, confident and assertive.  Energy like that is powerful. People follow someone who exerts power, not someone who plays a victim.

2. Being in the now, I noticed gives you more energy and concentration that you don't have when you are stuck up in the past and anxious of the future.  It's sad that many people live like so, that's why they don't get anything done, and if so, the quality is not there. 

3.  The power of influence.  Training dogs for years had left Cesar unfazed on each growls, howls, bites that he's faced with.  Despite these threats he managed to keep the energy of superiority, calmness and strength.  But there are some cases which are exceptions.  These are the ones that, no matter how he hand bite,  and topple down stubborn dogs, his powers and tools wouldn't just work.  This is where "Daddy", his ever trusted pitbull, comes in and saves the day as well as his owner's face.  Such serene display of energy despite aggression of an opposing dog just falls into deaf ears with Daddy.  While the other dog relays excitement, he just displays boredom, irresponsive behavior,  In doing so, lowers the energy of the other.

To summarize the key concepts behind the trick is that it all boils down to Energy.  The focus, calm, assertive, positive energy always gets the job done.

Now if I could try to apply it to myself, it would probably sky rocket my quality of life.
Publisher: Shy - Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Monday, February 2, 2015

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7 Signs you are Really Fucking Good at Being Socially Awkward

Image Source: guycodeblog

After reading Elite Daily's  "11 signs you are really fucking good at being socially awkward" I figured I'll come up with a list myself, since I've got my fair share of experience.  I don't usually go out much and when I do, at times I really hit it off well with people but there are also a number of times that I get really, really awkward --- it's embarrassing.

And you'll know if you're like me when you do the following:

When recently introduce to a new set of people, you forget their names instantly. 

You shake their hands and pronounce there name: "Hi, ___"  but after saying it once, you completely forget about it.  After minutes of chit chat you feel silly for making a new friend, whose name you don't even know.  And since you really wanted to be friends with them and maintain contact, you ask their names again.

When conversation is taking off between you and 6 more people, and you find yourself not knowledgeable about the topic.  You just stare at them and look dumb, and then dumber.

Your eyes would be like ping pong balls moving from one person to the other because that's just the least thing you can do to create the illusion that you're still with them.  And to at least, participate you throw in a couple of nods, and blurt out "yes", when in fact you don't have a clue what they're talking about, and you would then feel dumber, and look dumber, so you just drool and swallow saliva, all that with your ping pong eye balls

When with a group that you recently get to know, you tend to act like a chicken without feathers.

Yeah sure you know some tricks to look confident.  Fake it till you make it remember.  The only problem is, you are oozing with awkwardness that you standing with both feet apart and with arms widely open and hands on your hips -- which supposed to give you an illusion of power -- would just make you look like an old lady with her hands on her hips, and with her adult diaper on, with only her adult diaper on.

When you try to suggest a venue to the group, you say it so boringly that you can put crickets to sleep.

"So guys I know this place down the street, I heard it's cool there."  You say that sheepishly and nervously your last words would go inaudible.  You just wasted your time and spent it by further proclaiming that you're indeed a freak.

When walking with them, you walk like you have a woodboard at your back.

Ok so you feel tense, it's pretty obvious by the way you walk and how your shoulders are way up high that it almost touches your ear lobes.  You may not know you've been doing it the whole time until the next morning.  You'd feel shoulder pains and wonder where you got it from.

When you're trying to start a conversation with someone, you don't start.

You try too hard to figure out what to say that you didn't notice that it had been already minutes.  Starting your conversation long after when you supposed to start one, doesn't make any sense at all so you just decide to shut up and do things that would look like you're having a ball like you whistle, you sing under your breath, you hum, you look away at the dark alley at the corner and look at it like it's Superbowl's half time show.

Image Source: giphy

When being in a conversation with someone your interest wanes down to a set of 2 front teeth.

Ok so you smile and nod because you want the other person to think that you're interested, and maybe because you really find the conversation interesting, well for the first 5 minutes that is.  After that you get bored, and not contribute to the discussion at all.  The only contribution you have is your 2 front teeth, ready to bite off the lips of a very boring and self absorbed person in front of you.

So here's my list and I've totally ticked all 7.  All 7 base on experience.  You probably have yours too.  Mind sharing? :)

Publisher: Shy - Monday, February 02, 2015

Sunday, February 1, 2015

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5 First thing-in-the-morning to-do's to Start Your Day Right.

Image Source: huffingtonpost

There could be plenty of things that goes in our brain as soon as we wake up, that or nothing at all.  If I'm not mistaken, we most likely think about what we need to be doing today.  Our deadlines, our reports, what to serve for breakfast and all the factors that demands attention from us.

Here are 5 things that you should do to make to make life better:

1.  Whisper the affirmation: Another day, another chance to make it better.  It's true that everyday is another opportunity to give dreams a chance to be acted upon or even thought of, give more clarity, shape and details to it.  The more we think about it, the more we slowly convince ourselves that this could be our calling.

2. Asking yourself life-provoking questions:  What am I here to do? How can I contribute more goodness in this world?  It's hard to think of ourselves as dead, so it is difficult to sink in the truth that our time is limited.  Unless you experience loosing a loved one, had a brush with death, you will never get to appreciate the time that you're living.

3. Breath in.  Countless of studies have proven that just the mere act of breathing in does wonders for the soul.  Come on, try it now and see for yourself what wonders I'm talking about.  And you're welcome.

4. Pray.  You don't have to be a part of  religious group to do this, nor do you have to composed one long prayer.  Just saying "thank you" is a prayer in itself.  

5. Stretch.  It loosens up the joints and get the blood running faster for just a few seconds. It has the same basic concept as with breathing.

Here are my 5 to-do's that works for me to start off my day right.  What's yours?
Publisher: Shy - Sunday, February 01, 2015

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

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10 Great Things About Being Single

I have been single for a few years now and I remembered that for the most part, I was longing for a companion.  I was longing to be in a relationship again.  And whenever I am in a relationship, I've had thoughts that I was happier when I was single.  It seems now that I've never been satisfied of where I am. Longing for better, happier, bigger, richer robs me of the joy of the present.  So I've vowed to be happy and contented, irregardless of the relationship status or bank account.  Slowly, I've come to learn this.  Slowly, I've come to love the process.

Thinking of that now, I've come to realize that being single isn't really that bad after all.  I've come to embrace the joy that I remembered having before getting this in sticky situation called relationship.

1.  Freedom to go anywhere I want, anytime.  If you plan to go somewhere, you wouldn't need to ask permission to anyone (given that you're of age), other than my parents of course.  And when you're at it, you wouldn't have to feel in a hurry to go home because "you're missing someone".

2.  No Drama.  The only drama that would occur are when pimples start appearing on your nose, lost cellphones, problems at work, and gaining that 5 kilograms over Christmas.

3.  Low battery?  No problem.   No one's going to text you that much anyway apart from friends of course.  You wouldn't have to load all the time too.  The only time it goes  low bat is after 4 days of using and not using it.  That's it.

4.  More girl bonding.  What's more fun than being with your girls and spending more time with them doing anything from fabulous to the silliest of things.  Building this bond would not only support your sisterhood, it also makes your life a lot more colorful and exciting.

5.  Focus on Career.  This is the best time for you to fly high and pursue those dreams that have been staying too long on your bucket list.  Work in another city and learn the ropes of the job and of living in a new place.  While in it, get more friends, and network like crazy.

6.  You can network like crazy.  No one would ask you who this guy is and why have you added him on facebook.  With you being available, you can network to as many kinds of people as possible.  Choose the ones who would give more value to your life and the ones who would give you that much needed leverage that would take you a step closer to your dreams.

7.  Eat whatever you want and not feel guilty about it.  Of course, it's also true when you're in a relationship.  But with you being single, you wouldn't have to worry if someone had noticed that extra pounds you gained because you spent your entire weekend emotional eating.

8. Have time to Reinvent Self.  Although this is also possible when you are in a healthy relationship, it's just easier when you're single because there isn't any resistance from you or from a special someone.  When you're tied up with a guy, you would second guess if he likes it or not.  If you're single, you can go as extreme as you want.

9.  More time to do what you want alone.  If painting and reading is your passion.  You have plenty of time indulging in these creative and mind stimulating pursuits.  There wouldn't be an urge to check on your cellphone to see if your guy messaged you or not.

10. Date as many guys as you want.  Meet different guys from different backgrounds and see who suits you the best.

Publisher: Shy - Tuesday, January 27, 2015
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