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Saturday, November 28, 2015

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My Hormones and Me


I have been feeling extra sensitive these days.  Small things would lead me to just burst out inside me or on someone (God bless his soul).  At this phase, I don't tolerate things that are not at par with my ideals.  I won't tolerate it like a chronic leftist, always critical and fault-finding.  At this time, everything would be on plain white paper, that a speck of mistake would be scrutinized and magnified and be cross-referenced from a deck of files of previous faults that was supposed to be already kept in tuck, hidden away after apologies has been said.   Like they said, it's forgiven but not forgotten, that's the problem.

Anyways, if it's because of my maturity, I have hard time accepting, because I am 30 and should by now, have become better on this.  But no.  My feelings have gotten the better of me, yet again.

But maybe my hormones has something to do with this craziness, which I was relieved to find out to be true.  Pre period stage is when hormones plunge down resulting  to negative thoughts and sensitivity.  Relieved but ashamed for putting out the hormone card.

When it's easy to blame it on hormones, I won't because that's not right.  It's childish to do the blame game. At the end of the day, I am the captain of my ship and I won't let my ship drown by waves of hormones.  I should not, most of the time, at least.  I'd take full responsibility of my actions.

This reminds me to make that step back again and just see things in a broader perspective, which I actually did.  And if that doesn't work, which it didn't, I should then focus on what makes me happy instead, which I didn't do.  Do things that would make me happy, go outside for awhile, eat my feelings, read, write it down on a post, like this, travel on a whim, which would be fun to do next time.

Let's see if that will work. 

Publisher: Shy - Saturday, November 28, 2015

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Choosing the Right Path in Life


It's the climb.

Whatever your direction in life may be it's just overwhelming to know which step to take to move forward.  You have to make choices and the abundance of ways and means  doesn't really help you with the choosing.

It is exciting but challenging.

We have to learn not to settle and stop along our roads.  When it is enough, there's always a danger to be okay with the situation and not go forth to achieve more or to do more.  We get complacent and snuggle up with being okay.  But know that in the end of the day, okay doesn't suffice.  It doesn't have the look of your vision, it isn't your vision.

So this is the struggle that we all have to surpass.  To want more and not settle. never settle.
Publisher: Shy - Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Monday, November 16, 2015

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For Now We Pray.


Today there is a big dark cloud hovering around the earth.  It's the time for trial, persecution and drought.  It's the time of mourning and anxiety as terrorist groups are trying to ensue terror one state at a time.

It is the time also for everyone to be vigil and cautious, and be strong in the light of this testing season.  As members of the human kind, we are now in one with people who have become victims of these atrocities, as we are all victims in a way.  We hurt as they hurt.

We pray that through it all, light and love wins.  And base on history,  it usually does.

We pray that our blinded brothers would see past their beliefs, and would realize that their goal wouldn't bring happiness and contentment, that it would just cause them pain after pain, that our God is a God of love, and peace, that they would see that we are all brothers and sisters, despite our boundaries, our race, our beliefs, our religion, we are all made as one.

Publisher: Shy - Monday, November 16, 2015

Thursday, November 12, 2015

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3 Ways to Know that It is Over


There comes a time in our lives that we have to fight for the relationship that we are in.  We fight for what we feel and we fight for the person that we assume is right for us, even when signs are telling us no, even when the complications are blocking the easiness of things. You still decide to go for it. But there comes a time also that we have to raise the white flag and call it quits.

How to know?

1. When you have given that person a chance to change and redeem himself only to have everything slip back to its old ways few weeks after.  It didn't change, if it did, only a bit.

2.  Change takes time, so be patient with him and be observant.  If after a year and still things are the same?  Just pack your bag and leave.  It's a hopeless case.

3. Sometimes you expect your partner to change but you don't really tell him exactly how.  But if you did, and all you were asking is for him to do 1 thing for you; one thing that would make you happy and feel loved; one thing that would make a big difference; one thing that doesn't cost much of his time and money and he still doesn't want to? Then it's time cut to the cord, erase his number, block him, because he doesn't love you that much.

Because if it isn't all-consuming, commitment-filled, crazy, heart warming, satisfying love with respect, trust, and all that, then we don't want it.

Publisher: Shy - Thursday, November 12, 2015

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

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Accepting Life and Its Mystery


Last night I had a dream.  I dreamt that there was a baby girl that I'm taking care of.  It was a weird dream because it also involves karaoke that has audio sensors, a shake that customize whatever you wish to put in it, and bathing the baby who somehow crawled outside of our old house where I grew up in and was bathing in the ditch.  It's how dreams usually are.  It doesn't make any sense like what your head is saying sometimes.  It's a mixed of thoughts that somehow sprouts into your brain and is now compacted in one twisted script, and I don't wish to analyze what it means because it's a waste of time plus it's a headache to piece it out together.

I think that's why we tend to forget it.  And I think not understanding it, is okay.  It should be. It also goes to show that we don't have to know, understand, and analyze everything in life and we have to be at peace with it and just appreciate it for whatever it is.

Letting things be and still going on with life is something we all need to learn how to do.  It takes maturity to do this, but it isn't impossible to learn.  In time, it will be second nature to us.  When a person is repeatedly thrown in the position that he doesn't have a choice but to be okay with life in all its mystery, and is able to realize and accept that, he will learn.
Publisher: Shy - Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

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What 2015 has Given Me


This year has more than a blessing to me because I feel rooted.  I have found a direction that I am at peace with and I am willing to invest my energy and focus until its fruition, and because of this I am eternally excited, grateful, and blessed.  2015 gave me the gift of clarity of who I needed to be and where I wanted to go in my life.

My nerves have decreased.  I am calmer now than I have ever been before. And it's easier to decide now that I know where I am heading, and it just feels really good to be in this space.  I could see myself as a full circle, no more missing pieces, no more finding-myself.  I have found it and for that I am ecstatic to see how things would unfold for me and for my future.

Publisher: Shy - Tuesday, November 10, 2015
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Journeying Life with Blinders


Yes blinders.  The one that blinds eye sight's periphery forcing to see what's in front only.

We all need this.  We all need a lot of focus in our lives.  We are distracted by many things in life that doesn't really matter, so we end up giving out our energy to things that would not directly benefit us.

Like earlier this morning, I noticed the date and was shocked to realize that there's 1 month to go or so and this year is over.  This led me to reflect how this year went.

Travel-wise I felt a jab and concur that it has been quite uneventful remembering that I just went only to a couple of places, namely Baguio and Davao, which I've already been to before.  But then I felt elated reminiscing how these trips went amazingly well.  Although I have been to Baguio last year, nothing would really compare having someone to be around with and talked to whilst your travels. I probably wouldn't get over that solitary-travel loneliness bump and I think I wouldn't ever want to attempt more of it again.

I went back to Davao for my mama's 60th birthday.  Me and my siblings all flew to Davao to surprise her.  We were scrambling all over the house just to hide, and surprised her as she enters.  It was an epic fail because the confetti popper didn't pop, I failed to record it on cam, and our position was all foul.  But the memory of it was great enough for the books. My relatives were there to celebrate it with her and I had a bit of time to catch up with my friends back home.

Going through those events, now I wouldn't say that those were uneventful.  I think comparing my life with others would just make my story loose its luster.

But why do we do that?  

It reminds me once again to appreciate my own journey, and to focus on mine alone.  I need to invest energy to where it matters and that is on my life, my goals, and dreams, as well as people within my circle, and to appreciate what happens in it, may it be good or bad.

Publisher: Shy - Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Monday, November 9, 2015

When Love Isn't Enough.


When the love isn't enough, going through a mound of problem would seem like trekking on mountains.  It sees a storm as typhoon, swallowing, suffocating each hope with fear.  When love isn't enough, it stops on  its tracks when it sees a hump.  Instead of fighting it, it gives up because it knows that it couldn't take it.

It knows that the vines that held two worlds and hearts together are weak, that the ground that it stands is nothing but a raft of clumped up water lilies, beautiful, fresh, lovely in the outside, but could easily wither and move apart in time.

It knows deep in its soul that it doesn't exist.  And if it does, it's not strong enough.  Strong enough to be manifested with actions.  If it hasn't been shown it wouldn't be heard, even when it has been said.  It will still fall on deaf ears.  It wouldn't catch the words, because for the heart that has learned from the past, has come to know that words are nothing but dust in the wind.  But if somehow it happened to be there, just unexpressed, just shown in other ways unbeknownst of her, would it still be counted?
Would it still matter?

How tragic.

Loving her more than she'll ever know could easily be the most unromantic phrase there is.

Publisher: Shy - Monday, November 09, 2015
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