"It's amazing how some things started out weird and ended up being beautiful."
So I haven't been posting for awhile. Some writer's block is happening. But really I'm just stopping myself from sharing something I'm going through these past few months. It has been the frog in my throat, the snot to my nose, for the lack of the better term. You see, it isn't a bad thing. No close to snot nor frog, it's beautiful. I'll share it once I'm already ready to do so.
This morning I wake myself with barrels of poetic statements in my mind. Excerpts from stories and moments worth writing. The idea is there, but the pain is constructing the whole thing from start to end, breathing life to it through words just so you can finally fit in that single line that started it all. It demands to be written down in words, else it disappears and you end up having nothing on your creative plate again.
At this moment, that plate is empty. It probably took me awhile to force myself out of bed and exhausted that feeling demanded by the image in sudden bursts of laughter or momentary contemplation, or even gush of disgust. The streak of day dreaming has already left me and I'm now facing the laptop, empty in mind yet full in heart. For whatever reason, I managed to write some words and a sudden realization of gratefulness came into me, that for me made more sense on contemplating on instead of the weird streak of made-up imagery that left me psychotic for a few minutes.
For days I've allowed myself to be anxious and overwhelmed on something that was meant to be fun and exciting. Somehow I had to find a way to manage my emotion and keep myself centered again, and what better way to start it by opening up with a grateful heart.
Indeed I am blessed and for that I'm grateful.
I am grateful for the shelter, the food in the ref, and the one that's still in my tummy - a result of last night's habhab, the loved ones who want only but happiness for me, this fresh air in the morning and the bright sun in the afternoon, the quietness in the evening that makes me at peace and still, the future and what I can create with it by just deciding today, the flexibility and freedom of my job, the lack of responsibility.
Surely this life of a single woman working as a freelancer isn't bad.
I just have to make the most of it.
A couple of hours later, here I am once again, planning for a solo trip down the southern part of Luzon for a week? 2 weeks? Who knows.
Or perhaps weekend travels to random provinces... Excited much!
It's amazing how some things started out weird and ended up being beautiful ---Oh just one of the ironies of life.