Shy was at Baguio Village Inn

Shy was at Baguio Village Inn
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Wednesday, July 15, 2015

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Why I Stopped Traveling to Do Soul-Searching.

Introspection.  Reflection: Pic Source 

"We go on in life always busy looking out and yet failing to look in.  When we spend time with ourselves with our thoughts and energy, we dig deep, we recognize where our heart truly goes."

I couldn't count the times that I've attempted to find my purpose through travels and every
time I've come home to one, I would bring home the usual:  a few souvenirs, a number of really cool stories, and hundreds of pictures.  And also as usual, I come home with no clear conviction of the purpose.  The whole trip although it was fun, didn't really give me the answer which I was seeking for in the first place.  Why?

Why it Failed.

During my first solo trip in HK, I filled my itinerary with places to go, things to buy, activities to do, thinking that being in a different place would highlight my own difference, seeing myself freshly and genuinely in the light of other people.  I believed that me being genuine, comfortable in my own skin, and being different would help me understand myself more.  I would see clearly the unique in me as seen by others, believing also that by knowing myself more and being happy with it, my purpose would somehow arise.  All those were true though, except that "my purpose" didn't pop up as I hoped it would.  No light bulbs happened.

And by being in different place made stillness and introspection for long hours of time seem impractical.  I mean, there I was in Baguio or HK, places I have never been to.  Every time I steady myself and start to meditate, there's a nagging thought that yells at me saying that "there's just so much to explore in this place, what the hell are you doing?"  or the "you spent all money and time for that? might as well do that in your own room."  And dawning on the fact, I get anxious and go back to my places-to-go list.

So there, I learned it that way, but I must say that each experience is different.  My soul searching just happened to flop when traveling because really come to think of it the answer really lies within us.  We go on in life always busy looking out and yet failing to look in.  When we spend time with ourselves with our thoughts and energy, we dig deep, we recognize where our heart truly goes.

Take Away 

I learned that our aspirations and dreams are shadows of the needs and wants that we want in life.  There are shallow needs, the ones that we really don't need but we have come to want for the ego.  And there are deeper needs of love, belonging, fulfillment which we get by pursuing that of which our spirit truly desires.  It's up for us to recognize where our dreams fall under, and to make sure that we always go for the ones that fall under the latter

Publisher: Shy - Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Sunday, July 5, 2015

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Shutting Up That Nagging Ugly Thought-Source


"The more you listen and follow it, the more you're giving it power to take over your kingdom."

I've been trying to get in touch with my inner self recently, after realizing that in order for me to master myself, I need to first master my inner world.  And much to my defeat, I see myself faltering, eating one marshmallow to another.  Why marshmallow?

The Marshmallow Test

Well I've learned that the single most effective way in determining ones success is through the marshmallow test.  It's a test wherein kids are given a marshmallow only to be told not to eat it.  Basically it is a test of self discipline and self control. No matter what preparation, and introspection you do, it will all become useless, worthless, if you're not able to implement and follow through your plans and learning.

And now I see myself having to face marshmallows in the form of mango rolled cake in the freezer when I'm trying to loose 5 kilograms, or the bed during a spanish session, or that red number in facebook that notifies me to check the message when I'm trying to finish an article.  We see it all in various forms. And like a muscle, the more we resist it the more we make our discipline muscle stronger.

I realized that no matter how I tried to resist there's this nagging voice that gives me a list of reasons why I should just submit.  It rationalizes with me, it justifies until the argument becomes strong and I weak, then the inevitable happens and I submit.

There's the inner voice and there's You

What I also learned in studying spirituality is that the thought that we have is not us.  And that who we really are is that silence, that knowing, that space.  I understand it is abstract that's why it is difficult to comprehend.  It let's you separate that inner voice and you.   The inner voice who isn't so friendly most of the time.  It's your narcissistic fan that blows up your ego a hundred fold and at the same time, too often than not, your vile critic who shrinks it with a stabbing comment, which you would mistakenly believe as truth.

How your Mind-om would Look like

If we are to put faces in these characters in our mind and see how our mind-om would look like.  The inner voice would be that ugly, gollum-like jest who is the noisiest of them all.  There's your right-hand handsome duke who is a man of few words but wisdom and good-will always comes out of him.  And there's you on the throne, a mum ethereal beauty of a queen who just sees and observes and listens to all these happening.  In your royal status, why would you listen to that ugly jest?  He is nothing but one big joke after all.  A scum who does nothing but plant weeds in your garden, throws trash in your hall.  The more you listen and follow it, the more you're giving it power to take over your kingdom.  Understand that it has no power over you, and with this it is your responsibility to uphold beauty and peace in your kingdom, which is the way it should be.

With this way of looking it, I hope I get to shut the joke of a jest and focus on enriching my kingdom.  And maybe by that, we won't be accepting nonsense from people, because you would not accept nonsense in you. We may start setting high standard for ourselves.  Why accept anything less? We're all a queen afterall.
Publisher: Shy - Sunday, July 05, 2015
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